She finally realizes this. Now she can work.
To be Christ is to know Him, to be alive and alive in Him and that is so essential. Yet so many ‘Christians’ are not aware, or worse, don’t even care to be aware. They’re dead in their bodies walking around. Dead people parading as alive in Christ, yet Jesus will say to them, “I never knew you.” God has put it on my heart to really pray for these people, the people who are in churches but still not alive, not awake. We were having intercession for this very thing at HHOP before it closed, myself being one of the people who spoke up at that meeting after the government watches, saying the church needs this. And does it ever, especially in this last generation. It was through a conversation with a friend, as well as the prophecy over me from my high school mentor, idol, and cell group leader that I have come to understand why the Lord raised me up in the Catholic Church. It is to bring revival specifically to it by praying fiercely for the thousands of Catholics who are so dead asleep in Christ they’re dying. here are 1 billion Catholics in the world, can you imagine if all of them woke up and began living their faith?! This should be something that all of us inside God’s family, really living in it, should do for those on the outside. My specific assignment is within this church, but it should be for every church. To pray for a fire to be lit in the bosom of every man woman and child, that they would be radically alive in Christ more than just accepting Him, but really loving Him. I’ll say it again, this desperately needs to happen in our churches. Though I feel I have left Catholicism in some respects, I feel like the Lord is not letting me fully leave it, that The Lord desires me to be there praying and witnessing. So while I may not believe it all, and I prefer to worship more elsewhere, I am called to be at mass, if not for the Eucharist, then to pray for my siblings. It’s literally another piece of the calling and ministry I have come to realize is my work for His kingdom. To evangelize in his very home, those Catholics who need to realize God is longing for them, searching for them, and that he wants communion and relationship with them, because so many don’t know, don’t get it!
With that understanding, and the call I feel finally clarified in the Catholic Church, I realize that I will probably forever be attending both Catholic and protestant churches. I will worship at both, and be fed at both, but I will have a real mission when I am attending mass and that will be the difference. It’s hard though to change a culture of Catholicism that is a) ancient, b) going through a revival itself, and c) something I can’t hold every belief as truth anymore. So Catholicism claims to start with Christ handing the keys of the kingdom to Peter, thus it is old and full of tradition and has actually really shaped contemporary Christianity. How could it not when it was the central church until the reformation happened? Also from inside it, I have seen a real revival even in the youth, but not necessarily for Christ. It is a revival for traditional Catholicism. I’ve see people returning to older attitudes and spirituality in the church, including myself when I was in that place. And for me personally, there are some Catholic teachings I have always had a hard time swallowing but accepted them as truth anyway because I believed and trusted the founding fathers and theologians to know what they’re talking about. Mistake number 1 with that tactic: not testing everything I believe by God’s spirit, followed by mistake number 2: not researching it myself but relying on men. Learned that one, and now have my work cut out for me. I do not, then, claim all Catholic teaching anymore, seeing some of it unnecessary to hold to and not ringing right with me. But when I bleived it all I really fell in love with the church. And perhaps the fact that I came to appreciate and love the church will make it so much easier to pray within it now. It’s interesting to imagine if I was say a baptist and God asked me to start going to Catholic masses to pray for their hearts. I’ve heard of people being called like that, and it’s not too late to happen to me, but for now this is the church I need to pray for. So it’s easy to think people won’t listen to a little girl who appears to be a confused sad excuse for a catholic turned wanna-be-protestant attending mass, especially if they are traditional Catholics. And it’s funny because I just had another ah-ha moment, realizing I was that person with that attitude. I was that person who was the traditionalist Catholic who wasn’t going to convert to anything else for anything and who looked with pity on all Christians not in the ‘true church’. It was pride in the so called ‘truth’. I get it God, you took me down that road to understand the position of the people I’m praying for and to experience that attitude to shape my witness and prayers for them now. Wow. Questions wondered for a long time, just coming out of the woodwork right now. So this still makes for a challenging assignment for me. I’m not aiming to convert Catholics; they’re first and foremost Christians and the things I myself am iffy on don’t seem to be things that will damn them (unless it’s the religious spirit and asleep culture), so I don’t see a need to convert them away from their faith. That would be a fruitless ambition and nearly impossible it would seem anyway. But what does need conversion is the culture of deadness and sleepiness, the culture of the way the church is, and the effect that is having on the faith of those people. I fear that I would have been one of the ignorant and asleep ones if I didn’t love God in school enough to stretch myself out to FCA engaging in Him outside of my church (which was not engaging my heart with God, just teaching me how to be catholic). I had a relationship with God, a love for Him in the Catholic Church, but I learned to grow it, shape it, build it, understand it, and love it deeper outside of that church. Now I’m returning wanting to bring with me revival for the masses of Catholics.
I see a dual personality rising in me that I am really disliking in this situation though. There are families and friends that only know me as the hardcore traditional Catholic girl that I was, and I find myself pretending in their presence to uphold that same attitude, though I don’t. The reason I do this is because I remember that attitude I had, and from a past experience with a friend and her family, I know that they would basically un-friend me if they realized my heart was not 100% Catholic anymore for fear of their own soul being converted from their idea of total truth and salvation. It happened already with one friend, and it makes me sad but what can I do? I don’t want to be lead two lives though, and certainly don’t want to let on and lie to others about my faith and who I am. I just need to pray for the right approach to these Catholics, because I will confuse the crap out of them with my intentions. “Yes I’m kinda Catholic, but I’m protestant too. I’m really just a follower of Christ plain and simple and a missionary, with the Church being my mission field. I want to see revival come to Catholic churches and I feel God has told me to pray from the inside of the church for the change of the hearts of Catholics to love Him intimately. May I pray with you?” The Catholic that I was would meet this person I am now and shake her head, trying to convert me back to my home faith. But I didn’t need revival when I was a staunch Catholic, not the same revival that I will be praying for. I guess my biggest issue is culture. Pray for the Catholic attitude and culture. Ok Father, I will stop complicating my mission, accept it, and begin my work Lord. Thank you for the wakeup call, these answers to my questions and prayers, insights into my own faith, and really presenting and setting my work for your Kingdom. Pictures are coming into focus in this time Lord and it’s wonderful to be leaning on you throughout this wilderness. Give me strength God, I’m here to do your will, your work. Amen and Amen.
The Lord’s mission for evangelizing within the Catholic church by contending in prayer for:
Pride in Catholicism, and in every denomination. This prideful thought that we can work out the ‘truth’, the ‘true worship’, or ‘true church’ and nay say all others.
Overall unity of course.
Fires to be lit in hearts, zealous, alive, awake, etc.
Motivations of love and right hearts with God. A motivation to not only know but to serve and be obedient to the Lord, out of love for Him.
Loosing the bonds of religiosity.
…..to be added to as they come to me.
(Note to my Catholic friends: Please do not be concerned for my salvation, but instead listen to what God tells you and if you feel led to pray for me then by all means I welcome it. Just know that I am following God as best I know how and that is my goal and motivation in everything I do. I love you and want you to be converted to Christ body and soul. I’ll be praying for you, as you can see ;) Godbless.)
