Haiti
Words, even written words, can impact spirit and life. So Papa, I ask that you guide my speaking and writing, and even my hearing Lord, which words I choose to let inside me and to send out from me. God you are my light, my might, my love. Guide me now and forevermore.
So long since I have written anything here. But here I am, “sick” today, and here the writing begins. I feel like I am in a constant state of missing something. Missing school, missing art classes, old friends, old jobs, and yes, missing writing as well. It seems life has been a crazy whirlwind that I couldn’t possibly record unless I wanted to write a book, but I can try a brief synapses.
I wrote over 2 months ago and I guess since then I have been too busy to bother with writing. In those two months the Lord has answered a long time prayer of mine: I went on my first (of hopefully many) missions trip. My prayer began in high school to go on a missions trip and my prayer was that i would be invited on one so that I knew it was from the Lord, and not my own will. Well lo and behold I was invited by my friend Adam to go to Haiti with a group from bible study and the church there. I wasn’t sure if it was God’s will, but I heard Him tell me finally, “You will go to Haiti,” and that was all I needed. So he sent me, raising enough money to cover all of it through friends and family (bless them all). I really saw His hand working through us and just how it was His will I go to Haiti. I played with lots of Children in the Orphanage, decorated for Christmas, and did a lot of painting, including the painting of a mural for a playroom. I think amoung one of the biggest blessings of the trip was meeting Susie, the missionary mother of the orphanage for the time being. Wow what a woman of God. She was letting the Holy Spirit lead completely and her almost supernatural energy to do what she does there blows me away. She’s strong and beautiful and very much became like a spiritual mother to me, even though I just met her. There are people you meet that really leave an impact on you and encourage you to be more the person you desire to be, or better yet, who the Lord desires you to be. I believe Susie was that person for me. I may have gone to Haiti for no other reason but to meet her, but I believe there are ripple effects the Lord has from our going that we won’t even know about until we see Him in heaven. I was blessed just seeing Him use us there, how our talents and gifts just fell into place as we worked. He sure used us for healing prayer in the people during our stay. We were praying healing over someone everyday; the last day being for a woman covered in boils, in need of surgery to remove the bulbous masses of viral tissue hanging from her body, searching for prayer and healing. That was an interesting experience because I’ve never seen anyone with such a skin condition, let alone lay hands and pray for a thing like that. It made me think of Jesus touching and loving the lepers, healing them. As I was painting a fence midweek the Lord showed me how we were being His hands and feet in His orphanage; how he was using us to beautify the place. I told the others and myself, “Jesus is taking care of His orphanage,” just knowing it was Him doing everything.
Living in Haiti for one week was an interesting cross of realizations; almost an oxymoron of ideas. One thought was that life inside the orphanage was so lovely, so right- it felt like the way life should be lived. It was so restful, even though we were doing physical labor and sweating our butts off. We moved slowly and sweetly with love together, sharing our meals together with lingering conversation before and after. We stargazed and contemplated on the roof. We devoted an hour to reading the word, praying, and sharing our thoughts together in the morning. And at night we reflected on the day, going long into conversation again. Our agenda was the Lord’s, and there was not much pressure of time. So in that way, life for us in the orphanage felt right. But the other thought that obviously doesn’t mix with the previous is that outside the walls of the orphanage it is clear that life in Haiti is something other than ‘right’ altogether. Haiti is a nation in terrible bondage. It has given itself to Satan and that is not difficult to believe when you look around and see the physical, visual reality of the spiritual climate of this island: trash everywhere, choking out what life is there in heaping mounds of burning, rotting refuse. Emaciated dogs wander between ruined and dilapidated buildings as tent cities peak out between exhaust-clogged streets. I kept thinking to myself, “This would be such a beautiful natural island if the people didn’t give Satan charge of it.” So needless to say, going out in the city of Port-Au-Prince was a little overwhelming and caused a stir for prayer for this nation and people. They are in my prayers now, and I hope to return again someday for sure.
It seems like this trip to Haiti was such a big deal for me that I gave it a lot of room in my heart and mind. I won’t forget it, and indeed I miss it. I was thinking that I could easily live there and do the work that Susie is doing (though I’m glad I’m at home now). But it did make me see that this is surely not my only missions trip, but even more, that God has missionary work in store for me. I embrace it Lord! I’ve had a desire to live in a foreign place of need for an extended period of time, even looking into the PeaceCrops, but knowing that as Christ is no part of that, so I want no part of it. I will wait on Him for where and when knowing my whole life is really an open book for God’s hand to write on.
And this is probably the golden nugget of the realizations I’ve had. That I have released my future and plans and dreams into His hands, knowing and trusting that to follow Him relentlessly is the reward of my life; that no matter where I am, or what I am doing, that if I am doing it with a mindset that everything is His, listening for His directions, I will be doing His will. I don’t think I’m spelling my thought out well in this, but what I’m trying to say is that I have finally surrendered my future, leaving Him room to move. And I believe I will find exactly where He wants me, where I need to be, what my ultimate calling is. Because that was a big nagging thing for me for a while, so to feel a little peace in it is wonderful. God is good all the time, and I can’t wait to see what He’s got in store for me in the coming years of my still-young life.
M’Papa mae shu tou tay.
