Thoughts Downstream
May 10th, 2012
Thoughts… flowing downstream to join the gulf of my mind, draining into the sea of my life.
Last night Tana and I went to Adam’s for a bonfire; a lovely night for a fire. Last summer was THE summer of bonfires, one of my best summers and I know it cannot be repeated, but I hope to attend many bonfires this summer as well. And you know what’s funny? I remember back to when I was at UNI I had painting class with a Christian friend and his band mates and their friends were a great group of Christian people who had many bonfires, but I knew I didn’t fit into this group. I remember praying in high school for a solid group of Christian friends, something I hadn’t had growing up, and then I prayed that same thing as I searched it out all through college. I was trying to fit into this group at UNI, but feeling like the black sheep instead. I prayed really hard for a group of friends strong in the Lord and to do amazing fun things like have bonfires with them, just like these UNI friends. Well gosh darn donchaknow, God answered those prayers last summer, and I didn’t even really remember praying about the bonfire part until just recently haha! So praise the Lord for even those little details in prayers that He listens to and answers. J
Praise also to the Lord for what happens at bonfires: An occasion for making friends, but most importantly for stimulating, challenging, heartfelt conversation. And this is my reason for being so stirred today as to write about last night’s bonfire. The discussion around the fire was ….exactly the challenging thing I think the Lord wanted Tana and I to hear. The ever present theme talked about in a lot of Christian circles is how asleep the church at large is, especially in America, and this spearheaded our conversation about the laxity in our hearts. I was mostly listening to take in what was being said because it was VERY convicting. And that is something the Lord has been doing in my lately: gently convicting me, but mostly challenging me to step up and fill my ‘I-follow-Christ’ boots.
What started this whole conversation is a woman my age, Katie Davis, who lives in Uganda and has 13 adopted children as a single mother there. She wrote a book and has a blog: kissesfromkatie.blogspot.
She wrote this and it gives you a taste of her heart: “I look around the yard again and He whispers softly, “I died for you.” And His ways are not my ways but I trust them and I am thankful for the mess, ever pulling me back to Him. And peace, oh how it passes understanding. Some days, the bickering and the burns and the birth mom and the babies abandoned are His will for my life, His gift to bring me closer to Him and today, I will embrace the gift that is Him, enough for me and all my broken places.”
She is an inspiration and I know only the half of it. I really want to read her book, but that will be for another day. I just wanted to simply echo the lingering question posed at our fire: where are all our “Christian” hearts if we don’t have Christian hands? Why am I not motivated to do amazing things? Why is our church so lukewarm and asleep? Why aren’t we bothered that so many go hungry every night, right in our own city and neighborhood? Why are we standing by watching terrible things happen, yet Christ said we would ‘do greater things’ than HE did?!? He tells us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and imprisoned, yet we are more concerned with what to spend our money on next payday. Where is my heart God? Our hearts are wrapped up in themselves, and I am just as guilty if not more so. I want to say sorry Lord, but what if that is all I do and there is no change in me? No, I want to demand of myself something better. I want to ask the Holy Spirit to empower me with the motivation, to act out of a heart overflowing with His love to do these ‘greater’ works.
So Lord, PLEASE Father, give me a BIGGER heart. One removed of me, impoverished even. Help me to GET IT God, just what you desire of us. I want to do this because I want to please you and I want my actions, not just my words, to say I LOVE YOU constantly. I boldly ask you to change me, because I know I cannot do it myself. I DO love you Lord, help me to Love you more, the way you love us.
AMEN
